What Is It Like to Be a Military Spouse and Veteran?

by Amanda H., Author of Airman to Mom

You would think because I have served in the military it would be easier to deal with some of the annoying parts of the life as a military spouse. You would think because I know the mission, I know what the military asks (and by ask, I mean requires) you to do, and what it was like to be in the military, it would be easier to understand. And maybe I do understand, but it doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated or find this military life to be easy. When your spouse calls (or maybe he doesn’t call) and gets home later than expected it can really put a wrench into your day, your week, and maybe even your month.

I know it isn’t my husband's fault; I know how tasks come down from higher authority right when you are wrapping up all your lose ends so you can go home. I know what it means to be mission essential, so when everyone else is released early on a Friday, your husband can't come home until way later than originally expected.

I know, I know, I know.

Does that mean it makes it easier?

I guess in some ways it does because I know the why, but it doesn't always help with my attitude, frustration, or “poor me” mentality.

I know how rank structure works, and when I see someone in uniform, I know if they outrank my spouse or if he out ranks them. I know what so many of the basic military acronyms mean. I know where the rank goes on my spouse’s uniform and what medals go where and even what some of the medals mean. I can likely tell if you have been deployed just by meeting you at some fancy military function. And I may even compare the number of medals on your chest to the number I used to wear.

I know the difference between Airman Battle Uniforms (ABUs), Blues, Mess Dress, Service Dress and more. I know the military speak and the history of air power. I know who Billy Mitchell and Gen. "Hap" Arnold are, and on a good day I might be able to tell you who the Chief of Staff is.

I know what career path requirements are. I know what boxes need to be checked, what is good news and bad. I know how to write a bullet for a performance report or award package. I can review military papers and look for grammar errors, while understanding the content within, which is sometimes an unfortunate trait.

I know the ups and downs, the ins and outs.

But that doesn't really make me different. I still struggle with being lonely. I still struggle with the days my hubby has to stay late. I struggle when he is gone for training or that meeting or whatever makes it so he is gone.

The thing I have learned that I didn't understand before is how hard this military thing is on the military families who follow their members, support their members, and live their lives in a shadow of regular sacrifice.

So, what is it like to be a military spouse and veteran? It isn’t that different from being a spouse. I often know more than the typical military spouse, but that hasn't made it an easy road with no bumps along the way.

I do know for me, I try to look at this experience as an adventure. I'm not sure what each day, year, assignment will bring. But even when the outlook doesn't look favorable, most days when I look back I feel blessed to be where I am and where I have been. The most important thing I think all military spouses have found to continue pressing on is a positive attitude and a hope that, even if today isn't great, maybe tomorrow will be better.